my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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