that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
