Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
