hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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