drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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