we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
