Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
