have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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