don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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