We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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