I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
