I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
