Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
