How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
