Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
