if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
