Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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