Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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