my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
