i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
