He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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