Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
