Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
