somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
