Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
