how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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