So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
