i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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