I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
