She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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