I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
