He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
