after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
