hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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