LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
