Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
