no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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