I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
