He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
