I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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