I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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