At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
