Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
