Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We got so high we made milksteak
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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