He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
