Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
