Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
