I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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