I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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