Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
